omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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