Your face is a jimmy john
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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