I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
