You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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