I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
