the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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