i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
