You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
