You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't deserve a penis
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
