Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
