well most of my day revolves around power hour
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
