I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
