What did we do last night that was yellow?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
