he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
