burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
