my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
