I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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