i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
