i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
