So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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