It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
