Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
