Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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