I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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