Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
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Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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