Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
organizing the empties. That sober.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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