she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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