Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
