Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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