remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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