you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
