FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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