Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
