There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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