Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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