Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
