We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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