Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
