You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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