he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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