Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
