Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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