if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
