OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He shit in the fireplace
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
