oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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