I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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