I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
