Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
