We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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