we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
