We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize