even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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