While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
