now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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