I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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