DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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