I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
