I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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