So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
