they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
