why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
