Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
